Cruel Reality
by confusedheart
Summary: Harry going through a loss. Romantic tragedy, so it’s sad…but really good! Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Cruel Reality

By: confusedheart

Summary: Harry going through a loss. Romantic tragedy, so it's sad…but really good! Please R&R!!

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the poem below! Please don't sue me.

a.n. even though this is a one shot story, I'm going to write an after story, kind of like an epilogue…but only if you review!!

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Chapter One

* * *

Where did you go?

Your soul lifted into another part of this world

Like a chain

Lifting you weightlessly up into the sky

Will you help me?

This life is so hard

You said you'd be there but now you're gone

So many whispered words haunting me

The love you've sheltered me with so pure

But now you're gone

Never to return to the place I captured you in

Do you still love me?

Now that you're gone from me

How can you just leave?

Come back to me

Return from the white light and rescue me

From this desperate loss of your soul

God, do I deserve this?

Do I deserve the pain this has brought upon me?

Does anyone deserve this punishment?

I don't even know you

Yet I feel like I do

I feel as if I have known you for so long

Why is that?

You only had one short life

That's not fair

You deserve more

Even though I don't know you

Come back to the ones who do

* * *

Harry lye in his bed weeping for the loss of his love. Why did he leave? I didn't even get to say goodbye.

_I didn't even get to tell him how I feel._

He got off of his bed and fell down quickly from his shaking legs.

He hit his head on the side of the bed harshly.

"God Damnit! I hate this! I hate my life!"

He attempted to get up on his bed and fell once again. Determined to get on that bed, he used all of his remaining energy to hoist himself up.

Lying on his stomach, face down, his pillow was slowly becoming coated with the boy-who-lived's fresh tears.

Harry didn't know what to do. He was stuck in a depression that he just couldn't let go of. If you have lost anyone, you might think that you know what this boy was going through. But you don't.

This boy has lost so many dear to him, that everyone that he loved; he expected to die sometime soon.

As you know, this is not normal or healthy at all. You and I want to believe that our loved ones will be healthy and will not die anytime soon, but not Harry.

Denial was not a part of Harry Potter's feelings anymore. Happiness was getting close to joining that list.

Life was hell for him.

The worst part of this was that the man he was weeping over would most likely weep from happiness if it was Harry that had been murdered by his best friend.

At this, Harry's blood was boiling as he thought about his situation.

He hadn't been out of his room for two days.

His friends would occasionally came to see him, but whenever they caught sight of him, they choked up and offered to get food for him and walked away from the room quickly.

Harry didn't look so well. To say the least…

He wore a dirty blood and tear soaked long sleeved school shirt and a pair of black lounge pants. His face was pale with markings in it from sleeping on a wrinkled pillow.

Once bright green eyes are now dull and lifeless. The scar on his forehead is black. He just looked awful, and you could tell that he hadn't given up his crying.

Ron and Hermione were romantically involved before this incident, so they didn't even notice that their best friend was suicidal.

He hated them with a passion.

They tried to act like great friends by casually giving him a smile and asking about studies and how his grades were going.

His grades were fine, so they patted him on the back and then walked away like they were happy that was over with.

Then they'd go fuck each other like Harry wasn't even alive.

I'm guessing that you would like to know what brought this depression upon this poor boy. So here it goes.

Flashback

Harry, Hermione, and Ron were walking to the great hall for dinner when they heard an ear piercing scream.

As soon as the scream began, it ended. They heard muffled yells in the direction they came from.

The dungeons.

They turned and ran, leaving a panicked Ron standing where they had first heard the horrible cry for help.

Harry and Hermione were getting closer, they could tell because the cries were getting louder.

"There." Harry's worried voice said.

He pointed towards a door that held an empty classroom inside it.

They opened the door and saw it.

Hermione fell to the ground and started to cry and gag at the same time.

Harry didn't know what else to do besides cry.

In front of them, was a beautiful boy surrounded by blood. This boy's once gorgeous blond hair was tousled and messy, in a state that they new it would not be in if the boy was alive.

This boy, who was their rival, lye on the floor dead, with Blaise, his best friend, standing over him. This boy was Draco Malfoy.

Blaise looked up from the body and gasped.

"Fuck." He said with a rushed voice and tried to run out the door past Harry. His pathetic, bound to not work, plan didn't work.

Harry grabbed him by the front of his robes and threw him to the ground with a newfound strength.

"What the fuck did you do Zambini?" he said harshly.

He recieved no reply.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" he yelled with a sob, and a cracking voice he muttered, "God what have you done." He looked the sick boy in the eyes showing him the tears and anguish in his eyes.

The silence was deafening.

Hermione stood up andpointed her wand and said "Petrificus Totalus."

She then levitated him out of the room, heading towards what was most likely the Headmaster's office.

That night at dinner, neither Harry, nor Hermione were there. The headmaster had heard of the tragic death of Draco Malfoy and was planning on telling the school that very night. Following dinner would be a memorial service.

The next day, neither Harry, nor many of the students at Hogwarts, attended their classes. Most went back the next day, still mournful, but also worried about missing too many lessons.

Harry however, did not.

End Flashback

One Year Later:

Going over this in his head, he realized that he had been muttering incoherent words. So he stopped and relaxed on his bed.

"_Harry?"_

_Harry opened his nearly stapled shut eyes to see nothing. _

"_Leave me alone. I don't want to talk right now" he said in a drained voice, closing his eyes once again._

"_Please open your eyes."_

_Harry did as the voice said and couldn't believe his eyes. _

_Draco was standing there, as alive as he has ever been._

"_Merlin, is that really you?"_

_Harry stood up and walked slowly to the man's body. _

_He absentmindedly wrapped his arms around Draco like he was going to die without this hug. _

_Harry pulled slightly away and started to talk._

"_I...I thought," he took a deep breath; "I thought you were dead. I saw you on the floor and, and I didn't know what to do…I mean…" he trailed off. _

_Draco put a finger to his lips to silence him._

"_I'm here, don't worry"_

_With that, he slowly bent down and gently brushed his lips on Harry's._

_Harry gasped and pulled back, but looked into Draco's eyes and saw that Draco needed this._

"_Harry, I need to go, I'm sorry. Just know I love you," he had tears in his eyes and his chin was trembling, "I'll see you sometime. I know it."_

"_How do you know? Where are you going? Draco! Please stay and talk to me! I don't understand! "_

"_I know, Harry, because everyone dies."_

"Harry!!"

"Draco? No...Wait! You can't be dead"

"HARRY!"

Harry opened his eyes and what he saw was not Draco's spirit, but Neville, with a troubled look apparent on his face.

He sat up and got out of bed, while Neville gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

"I can't do this anymore Nev. I just can't seem to let go of him."

"Harry, you know that he's watching over you. Even though you didn't tell him that you loved him, he knows. You'll see him again. For now, focus on what you need to get done and the ones who are trying to help you. Ron and Hermione might seem like they don't care…but they do. Believe me, they care."

"No. They don't." Harry said with a dead voice. "I have to go Neville."

And with that, he left.

* * *

Please Review! I worked hard on this so it would make me happy! 


	2. Chapter TwoEpilogue

Cruel Reality

By: ConfusedHeart

Summary: Harry going through a loss. Romantic tragedy, so it's sad…but really good! Please R&R!!

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: I wish I owned them….

Epilogue

Harry Potter was like everyone else; he walked around in town and shopped, just like a normal person and people saw him during these activities.

But no one ever saw the real Harry Potter. The Harry that they saw around town was the fake Harry Potter. The real one was buried beneath all the tissues he used while he tried to get over Draco's death.

After all that had happened to Harry, and after his graduation, he lived at the castle for a while.

He didn't want to live alone, knowing that he would be too lonely, with Draco gone and all. So he made friends with many of the teachers that he never had been taught by, and he was comfortable there.

But he still thought about Draco.

He never really got over him. He was still angry and sad inside.

All of those bottled emotions were great for his powers though. He defeated the Dark Lord with a very powerful finish.

No one in the wizarding world didn't feel the surge of angry, raw power radiating off of Harry's body as he walked down a pathway between his people after Voldemort was defeated.

That boy was so powerful that it made people wonder if he could become the next dark lord.

Some things in life are just better to be left unsaid and unanswered. And some people in your life are better off being left behind, like Ron and Hermione.

After they were finished with school, they never heard from Harry again.

Harry knew that they did not help him or comfort him in his darkest times, so he decided to treat them like he had been treated. It's not like Ron and Hermione just forgot about Harry, of course they tried contacting him, and tried to tie things together again…but Harry just did not want to reopen wounds that were already healed.

So much of his energy had been drained from him after the death of Draco.

Even though this life altering event had occurred, he put on a mask of strength during school hours. After lessons, he would immediately go to his room to study, never leaving, just incase a tear escaped his uncontrollable eyes.

This act of togetherness and strength inspired some of Harry's schoolmates. They tried harder to get over the huge loss, just like the famous, brave, and strong Harry Potter, or so they thought.

Harry had helped them get over Draco. So you could say that he affected these kid's lives by doing that.

In so many ways did Harry Potter affect everyone's life.

Harry trained and trained to affect the wizarding world by killing the most feared wizard in the world.

He started to train with Professor Snape only a few weeks after school was out. They spoke to one another about things happening with the Dark Lord and his upcoming plans, therefore putting together a plan that would work very well against him.

Snape had become somewhat of a father figure towards Harry.

The only thing that they didn't talk about was Draco.

The only time that Harry spoke, or talked about Draco was to his room, Hedwig, or just to himself, when he was all alone, where he could cry all he wanted without breaking his act.

Inside he was dieing, and alone. He needed somebody to help him, and to keep him company.

Sure other people had asked the gorgeous boy out on dates. Who wouldn't want to go out with him? But all were rejected.

After the great defeat, after many attempts of dieing, he sat in his living room.

Staring at the fire.

He was too tired to sleep, too sick to heal.

He watches the fire burning the wood to ashes, too amused to really think clearly.

Too intrigued to notice.

Reality's so cruel. He's alone…so alone

Too alone to love, and too alone to breathe any longer.

Harry had had quite an eventful day. First he defeated Voldemort, and then he stared into a fire for a few hours.

He didn't know what he was going to do now.

No one loved him, no one cared for him except his former potions professor, and he had no life.

How was he supposed to live, if he had nothing to do?

'I might as well just die' he thought to himself.

Some people on this earth feel like they have no purpose. Like no matter what they do, they'll never be good enough. It's hard when you think like that, because whenever you think about it, it chokes you up and you just can't stop thinking about how awful you are. Many people can become like this because they think that they're too fat, they're not smart enough, they're not pretty enough, someone is better at something than you are, etc. It's ridiculous how many things you can think of to make yourself cry. As painful as this may seem, it's true: many people commit suicide from these things building up on them.

In Harry's case, he wasn't loved enough. He was neglected and abused way too much. He's gone through too much, and so many deaths have built up on his conscience.

This is too much for an 18 year old boy to go through.

Harry stood up from his place on the couch.

He then walked to his bathroom and took out the dirty old razor that he had seen too many times before.

Filling up the bathtub and setting the razor on the side of it, he thought about his life.

He was still alive for only one purpose. That was to get rid of the wizarding world's biggest threat. It was as if Dumbledore didn't even really care about him. He cared about how strong he was and when he would be ready to defeat he-who-must-not-be-named.

Harry sobbed and shaked silently while sitting on the side of the tub. He wished that someone could be there to comfort him.

For a moment he thought that that was what he really wanted.

But as he thought a little bit more, he realized that what he truly wanted was to be dead.

He slowly slipped into the warmth of the soapy water that filled his bathtub almost all the way up to the brim.

Still slightly shaking, he reached over to the razor and brought it close to his face. While inspecting it, he thought it a failure of an idea. What if it didn't work?

He didn't know what to do.

As he lye in the bathtub, he began to hear the gentle patting of rain hitting the roof of his home.

There are two types of people in this world. The first type, are the people that love rain, and the second are the people who don't.

Rain is a funny thing. It can make so many feelings awaken, and so many thoughts provoked.

When the first type of person realizes that it's raining, they are excited, because they love it. They love how the rain falls to the ground and the noise that it makes. The way it smells if refreshing and it feeds the plants. When it's raining you can cuddle up with a lover and just listen, or you can watch a movie or read a book with hot chocolate. It really is a wonderful thing, but only if you love rain. The second send type of person realizes that it's raining; and it makes them sulk around not knowing what to do. When it's raining, it's cold, and you can't go outside. Many people who aren't in favor of rain say that it's the most depressing thing ever.

Harry Potter was type #1. He loves the rain. Absolutely loves it to death. I mean, you've never seen anyone as hyper and crazy as Harry when it rains. As you are probably thinking, this is totally out of character for Harry. As sad as this may sound, it's the only thing that makes this boy happy.

So when Harry first heard this announcement from the sky that it was raining…he decided to go for a walk.

He dried off, and put on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt and a coat and began to head for the door. As he did this, he attempted to grab his shoes and put them on while he was walking. This didn't go over too well. He fell over sideways with a loud thump. Never fear, he sat on the floor and hurriedly shoved his shoes on before running out the door of his common room.

He ran down the corridors of the huge Hogwarts castle, headed straight for the doors. The rain increased in volume the closer that he got to the door. Finally he arrived at it.

He faltered a minute before opening the doors unleashing the coldness and wetness that he so deeply loved. In the previous years, when it was raining at Hogwarts, he would always go outside and think about Draco. How the small droplets of water ran down his gorgeous porcelain face. How he watched him and his supposed friend, Blaise, he cringed at the thought, would run around tackling each other in the pouring rain, laughing and shivering from the weather.

He took a deep breath and opened the doors deciding that it was good for him.

As Harry made his way over to the lake, he let the rain captivate him and soak him in his clothes. He sat on the drenched lawn covering the little hill in front of the lake, not caring that he just soaked himself even more than before.

Looking over the lake, he thought himself a fool. Killing himself would just hurt everyone that cared about him. He knew how hard it was to lose someone, so he decided to stay alive.

He supposed that the rain was making him feel this way. Making him make impulsive, life altering decisions.

Life is so unfair sometimes; that you feel like God hates you. You start to feel like you are a nobody and there is nothing of importance for you to do. Life can throw so many things your way, but you just have to grit your teeth and bear it. In the end it just makes you a better person. At first it seems like you just want to die. It feels like you just can't go on living a life where you are miserable. When you hit your darkest moment, all you do is cry.

Sometimes you just can't explain why you feel this way because most people would say that you lead a privileged life. But it's more than being privileged. It's about your feelings, and everyone has them. People who are less privileged than you have feelings, so really we are all the same.

It crazy when you lose a loved one. That is one of the hardest things life is able to throw at you. But you can't dwell on it forever. You have to move on in your life, because the person you lost probably would want you to move on. Wouldn't they?

The raindrops falling on his body were a disguise for all the tears running down his face along with them.

Harry knew that he had to move on with his life, or actually so something with it.

He knew that he would never forget Draco and that he would always love him.

He knew that he had to somehow pull himself together.

He would do it for Draco.

"If Draco were here," he said to himself, "I think he would want me to be happy." he finished in a hushed voice.

He knew that it would be hard, but he had to get over him. It was the only way he could live.

Life was tragic, but it was what he was given.

It was his cruel reality.

Every time I feel alone

I can blame it on you

And I do, oh

You got me like a loaded gun

Golden sun and sky so blue, oh

We both know that we want it

But we both know you left me no choice

Chaque fois que tu ton va

You just bring me down

Je pretend que tu fais bien

So I'm counting my tears 'til I get over you

Sometimes I watch the world go by

I wonder what it's like

To wake up every single day

Smile on your face

You never tried

We both know we can't change it

But we both know we'll just have to face it

Chaque fois que tu ton va

You just bring me down

Je pretend que tu fais bien

So I'm counting my tears 'til i get over you

If only I could give you up

But would I want to let you off of this soapbox baby?

We both know that we want it

But we both know you left me no choice

Chaque fois que tu ton va

You just bring me down

Je pretend que tu fais bien, oh

So I'm counting my tears 'til I get over you

Chaque fois que tu ton va

Je pretend que tu fais bien

We both know that I'm not over you

I'm not over you

Fin

The song is "Til' I get over you" By Michelle Branch. I love that song…


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